


Someday You'll Find Me

by RainbowCosmos



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Post-Apocalypse, Suicidal Thoughts, just a sad drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:48:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22292107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowCosmos/pseuds/RainbowCosmos
Summary: A quick drabble exploring how Martin has been left behind after the apocalypse.And the comforting words that Jon used to tell him.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	Someday You'll Find Me

**Author's Note:**

> Wow ok posts twice in one hour. This one is just a short little thing, I couldn't sleep until I wrote it.
> 
> This one is DEFINITELY a song fic, VERY heavily based on Hotel by Kita Alexander. That song makes me cry big time, and I cried big time while writing this.

Your cup hits the table with a soft _thunk_ and you let out a long sigh. The strength of the spirits taste like turpentine in your mouth, but they still don’t quite manage to drown out the taste of your tears.

You’ve been doing this almost every night since. You need the numbness, you need to get him off your mind, even just for a moment. But you just can’t seem to say goodbye. The Lonely had been so, so tempting. You spend every waking moment dreaming about letting yourself sink back into that uncaring fog. But you promised him you wouldn’t. 

You make daily trips down to the nearby highlands shoreline. You stand in the coarse sand of the beach, barefoot, letting yourself _feel_ as you sink into the harsh abrasive. These are the moments when you let yourself truly feel. When you allow the sobs to wrack your whole body until you’re crumbled by the water. This place reminds you of The Lonely, and you often sit, hunched over, praying for the waves. You want the waves to take you over like the numbness of Loneliness. Or you just want them to take you for good.

But here, in this place, Jon’s parting words echo like they’d only just been spoken. You try your hardest to believe them, to believe that everything will be fine in the end. Because he’d sounded so certain.

“Someday you’ll find me” he had said, looking deep into your eyes as he held your hand by the water’s edge. “One day you’ll meet me and you’ll know it’s not a dream.”

He’d sat you down on the sand and the two of you had stared out into the water. He’d spun tales of… _after_. A place where the skyline meets the sea, he’d said. He told you that you’d like it there, that the champagne is always free. You’d told him that that sounds like a lovely place to be with him. You’re not sure that you deserve it. He had weighed your words for a moment.

“It won’t be hell or heaven, we’ll be somewhere in between.” 

What if you forget me, you’d worried. Meeting again after time apart. Will you still know my face?

Why can’t we go now, together? Leaving me here alone will only leave me in pain.

He’d shaken his head with a small smile. He’d told you that you’ve got to wait.

And so you’ve been left standing in the sand. Praying for the waves. 

Everything you want has been swept away from you. Taken so soon after you’d truly found it. Daisy’s safehouse holds echoes of him, the remnants of his belongings, the box of his favourite tea. It’s painful to be surrounded by them. By him. 

But there’s nothing for you elsewhere. No point in leaving to find something more. There isn’t anything more.

You spend every day watching the water lap at the shoreline, cold at all hours with the chill of the highlands. The water seems so dark. It seems to you like there could be nothing beyond that surface but a massive, pressing darkness. And you want to dive beneath it. Stay beneath it. Stop _feeling_ by plunging into cold, dark, nothing.

Or will it be just like he always used to say?

“Someday, when you find me, I’ll be wading in the water.”

“Someday, when you meet me, we will hold onto each other.”

Maybe one day you’ll meet him, and you’ll know it’s not a dream. It won’t be hell or heaven, you’ll be somewhere in between.


End file.
